No cramps, mood swings or unexplained tears…no, that is not the P.M.S. I’m referring to. I’m talking about the Pain McShlonkey Classic, or as I refer to it, the greatest weekend of the season!
I must say, I love to ski, and there are tons of amazing/awesome/wonderful things that happen throughout a season, but P.M.S. weekend is hands down the most fun I have on snow all year. My smile never fades and my six-pack gets better from the laughs.
This year was no exception. My best party pal, Rachael Burks, was able to make it for the second year and rounding out the lady snowblade, shred, party crew was Jackie Passo. The weekend kicked off with the Arabian Nights themed Gala, which at first sound like it could be a disaster of a theme and turned out to be amazing. Everyone had killer costumes, looking oh so beautiful. Myself, being a white ski chick mid-winter opted for a spray tan as part of the costume. The moral of that story is orange can be medium hot…
The next morning, the brutal turning point of the weekend, we woke up, battled the hangover and were snowblade ready by 8 a.m. This could have been an arduous task, but I had myself some of the 2014 Perfect Moment line up to slip into—red, white and blue stretch pants. With a matching jacket! And a handcrafted cape with an “A” on the back! Now who could have the hangover grumpies while rocking those digs? Not me.
And the hangover didn’t slow me down. I am now the proud owner of a Golden Saucer Trophy for claiming the win in the ladies in the Snowblade Hotdog (Because calling it a “Chinese Downhill” is racist) Downhill! Not quite sure how I pulled this one off as I saw death coming multiple times on the way down. As I made my way into the lower section of heinous ice rubble, hot leg burn in full effect, I found my only inspiration being neck and neck with Scott Gaffney. He was wearing a spandex, one-piece, ice-skating costume as we grunted and panted down the course. I rounded into the finish coral and kicked a snowblade shoe as I was running up to the finish line. I was hobbling a bit slowly when someone shouted, “Watch the bird!” And just then a huge bird tried to buzz me into the finish.
Yeah, I don’t think so.
I snagged that bird, who turned out to be a lady, by the back of the neck, threw her backwards, ran up and dove into the finish for the win. One rule – there are no rules!
Hours later, as the high of my win dwindled, my hangover started to creep. Sitting on top of a cliff zone with snowblades on and suffering from the spins is a little daunting. For the small mountain comp, I must say I was not at my finest, but I nailed my mid-run worn turn (so sick) and then horribly failed at my 360 attempt. The other ladies crushed it. Burks but on a 007 show, pyrotechnics and all, while Passo, ya know, did Jackie Passo things and hucked! At the end though it was Quincy Young in her Lindsey Vonn get up, fast tuck, and cute booty, got here the W for the ladies small mountain event. Oh ya, and Timy Dutton did something sweet to win the men’s. Good job Timy!
The rest of the afternoon involved beers, sun bathing, stretch pant strutting and snowblade hot laps in the park with the infamous camel (made up of two snowbladers, Mat Jackson and Greg Lindsey), and trophy accepting.
Topping off the weekend, we had the 80’s after party to attend. I would call this crucial turning point number 2, where many a snowblader did not have the stamina to continue. Not the lady blade crew though! Jackie rocked a killer Mohawk, and Rachael teased my crimped hair within an inch of its life, we dowsed ourselves in glitter and purple eye shadow, and hit the dance floor!
Waking up Saturday morning it was hard to tell if the neck pain was from snowblade tumbles or ferocious hairwhips, but what was certain was that it was one heck of a good time. The three of us topped off the weekend watching G.N.A.R., laughing in awe of the incredible person Shane was. I am both happy and grateful that we get an amazing weekend to act like McConkey, and the smile still sits on my face as I write this. Now I am taking that fun and that McConkey attitude with me to go shred in Switzerland!
Please visit the Shane McConkey Foundation website for more information and to join in the fun! http://shanemcconkey.org
Special thank you to Rachael Burks for additional photos!